Sick Jokes

The highlights.... (Note: I have tried to keep the pedophile/baby jokes to a minimum)

What is so great about shagging twenty five year olds?

There's twenty of them.

How do you get a gay man to shag your girlfriend?

Shit in her cunt.

What's blue and fucks grannies?
Hypothermia

What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You've told her twice already

What's got 4 legs and goes 'Woof'?

A cat doused in petrol

"Do you know what? I could have sex with any woman in this pub".

"Oh yeah? How's that then?"

"I'm a rapist".

A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed.

"What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"

A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth.

"What happened?", he asked.

"Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and the beat the crap out of me!"

"Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?"

"Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?"

"Oh!" replied the grandad. "The SS."

A bloke rings in sick to his workplace His boss asks "How sick are you",

To which he replies " well i`m in bed with my sister right now".

A guy steps into an elevator and notices a nice looking girl is in it.
He leans over and says, "Can I smell your cunt?"

"Of course not!" she screams back at him.

"Oh - then it must be your feet" he replies.

2 women walking home pissed from the boozer dying for a piss. Whilst walking through the graveyard they decide to answer the call of nature. Alas, our intrepid ladies have no toilet paper. One of the ladies uses her knickers to wipe herself with and throws them away. The other, trying to be move resourceful, finds a ribbon from a nearby wreath that had been left on a freshly made grave and uses that.

The next day, the husbands are talking. One says to the other "We better keep an eye on our 2 birds, mine came home last night with no knickers on" The other husband replies "you think that's bad? Mine came home with a card hanging out of her arsethat said "From all the lads at the station,we'll never forget you...."

And finnaly a summary...

Corpses cant say no

b3ta.com